Love and Romantic Relationship

  Love has been the universal theme of poets, novelists, playwrights, song writers and singers, philosophers, movie makers, and on and on...  One reason for this is the obvious, “love makes the word go 'round!”  People need love. People need people.  Love keeps people attached and feeling alive. Babies who aren't loved fail to thrive and die. Males and females often have different ways of perceiving and expressing love, based on how they were raised.  Also, a person's unique biological and psychological makeup and needs also play an integral part in this process. Dorothy Tennov writes about the confusion in her book Love and Limerence (1979), and comes up with her reasons love is confusing: She states that people often confuse love with limerence, which is the early stages of attraction and infatuation in a relationship during which time we see no faults.  She emphasizes that limerence is not love.  In limerence, we are often blinded by our feelings and rush to bond with someone we do not know.  Also, she states," Human beings have had difficulty differentiating among: 1) sexual desire, 2) liking, in the sense of friendship, 3) affection and 4) love, in the sense of concern for the other person's welfare." The Greek philosopher Plato wrote, "Love is a grave mental disease."

Love is a driving force of romantic relationship. It can be different form. But here “relationship” is very important. There is no absolute definition or sole universal definition of love. In ancient Greece, Plato believed that love should be based upon seeking an ideal in another person, such as truth or beauty. During medieval times, chivalrous love, in which one loved from afar without impure sexual thoughts or actions, was the ideal of the courtly upper class. Before the 19th century, love had nothing to do with marriage: At all levels of society marriage was a material, practical matter. In contrast, in the United States today, most people believe that romantic love is the most important reason for choosing a marital partner and should include a fulfilling sexual component. Some scientists argue that love is necessary for the survival of an individual, as well as the human species. To define love is very difficult. Here I will describe love as romantic love. Generally love can be two types.

1. Passionate love

2. Companionate love

Both types of love is highly associated with positive feelings, joy, self-contentment, sexual excitement, deep emotion and intimacy. In most cases, lovers experience both types of love. As time goes, in many cases, love becomes more faded.

Passionate love

 Passionate love is a powerful emotional state. It is also known as “obsessive love,” “infatuation,” “lovesickness,” or “being in love”. It has been defined as a state of intense longing for union with another. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy. Unrequited love (separation) is associated with feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and despair. Scientists in many different fields consider passionate love to be a pan-human characteristic (an emotion thought to exist in all cultures and in all historic eras) that exerts a profound impact on people’s romantic and sexual attitudes, emotions, and behaviors. Passionate love is closely associated with sexual desire, sexual arousal, and sexual motivation. In fact, the distinction between passionate love and sexual desire is often ambiguous.

Companionate Love

 Companionate love is a far less intense emotion. It combines feelings of attachment, commitment, and intimacy. It has been defined as the affection and tenderness we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined. There is considerable evidence that companionate love is an important contributor to the quality and stability of Western relationships. Women are more likely than men to view romantic love, emotional intimacy, and commitment as prerequisites for sexual activity. Men and women’s perceptions of the fairness and equity of their relationships have been found to be an important determinant of whom they choose for a sexual encounter, how sexual and satisfying their sexual relationships are, and how likely those relationships are to endure.

Specifically, researchers have found that the more socially desirable people are (the more physically attractive, personable, famous, rich, or considerate), the more socially desirable they will expect an “appropriate” mate to be. Couples are likely to be romantically matched on the basis of self-esteem, looks, intelligence, education, and mental and physical health or disability. Further, dating couples are more likely to “fall in love” if they perceive their relationships to be equitable (i.e., if they feel that they and their partners are receiving approximately what they deserve—neither much more nor less). Couples who perceive their relationships to be fair and equitable are more likely to get involved sexually and are most likely to say that both partners wanted to have sex. Couples in inequitable relationships are less likely to claim that sex had been a mutual decision. These people often report pressure to have sexual relations in order to keep the relationship alive.

`